Ending Live on Christmas
by Chandniwrc
Summary: Last Christmas something bad happened to Tony but thanks to his family he's began to live again. Now he needs to help someone who just like him lost everything and needs to learn to live again. CLOSED AND UNCOMPLETED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! I hope that you had nice holidays. Well, I had and this come to me when I was making some Christmas food. I give you 'Prologue' and this time it's up to you if I post next chapter so please every comment will be welcome.  
Enjoy!  
love, Chandni  
ps. thx to my 2 betas - Yarrow and Inez :***

'**Prologue'**

I was sitting with laptop on my knees in my bed. Well, in bed I was sleeping since last year. It was nearly first a.m. and if you ask if I have insomnia - NO, well... not now. Now I don't have problems with my sleeping but since it's Christmas time and I didn't have to get up to my work, I was sitting and checking what was going on Internet. I was sitting in dim light coming from my nightstand lamp. All house was quiet and you still could smell aroma of orange and cinnamon in the air.

So, I logged myself at some chat room to see if someone was online in Christmas night. I don't know why or when I began doing that, but sometimes when I can't sleep I just chat with people I don't know.  
After a while I wanted to log off when I saw a nickname that sounded very sad and depressive - _'EndingLive'._

I don't know why but I just wrote to this person.  
'Why you want to end your life?' I asked and for a while I feared that this person would not answer to my question.  
'Course it sucks' I got short, but I think honest, answer.  
'Tell me something that I don't know' I challenged this person.  
' I...' I could sense the nervousness on the other end of chat.  
'Maybe you can start with telling me your name?'

'Jackob'  
'Nice to meet you Jackob, I'm Tony' I introduced myself. 'What about this? We make a deal. Hm? You tell me why you life is sucks and then I tell you my story?'  
'Fair enough'  
After that there was silence. I know that Jackob was thinking about his story and if he's ready to tell it to some stranger.  
'It's Christmas kid, so tell me why your world fell to the hell,' I tried to encourage him to talk more. I grabbed my cup of tea from the nightstand and waited for his answer.  
'You don't understand'

DONG!  
Oh, boy! Really?  
'Try me!' kid needed to talk with someone and if this person was me - well, it was so much better cause I had practice with thinking about killing myself.  
'I was in car accident just a month ago. They just relased me to home for Christmas...' he began and I knew that I wouldn't like what he was writing, but for now I needed to be strong for this kid and since my job is to help people I just wrote:

'You're paralyzed'  
'Yep' was short answer but I needed to know more before I could tell him my story.  
' I... you know, I'm just in my twenties and I had my sport career ahead of me... I had girlfriend, friends... just everything and now... now I lost all of it!'  
' You haven't lost everything' I assured him.  
' What?'  
'You didn't lost your life'

'And that is supposed be a good thing? You're a freak, man! What the hell! I can't do a simple thing by myself! And my parents? My father, ya know, he's this damn stupid bastard marine! I know that he's disappointed to have invalid for a son. Mother is still crying and I know that she has quarrels with dad all the time. My girlfriend just broke up with me and my old buddies... I just have no words! I don't need their pity! They don't understand, nobody can understand me...'

After about five minutes he wrote again:  
'So tell me... tell me why I shouldn't kill myself to spare … I... just... help me...'  
And I was waiting for this words, this simple and again very hard words - HELP ME!  
'I think it's time for my story. I hope that you don't want to sleep 'cause it's really long. And I tell you that I CAN understand YOU' I looked at my legs and smiled sadly.  
'My name is Anthony Dwaine DiNozzo and I'm federal agent of NCIS for ten long years and my life changed a year ago' I began my story...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews and alerts! But of course still I need your support with this so please comment. I wish all of you Happy New Year and see ya in 2011 with new chapter!**  
**love, Chandni**  
**special thx 2 my betas - Yarrow & Inez:***

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**Chapter 1**

**flashback**

_I was sitting at my desk looking at big and wonderful Christmas tree. It was nine a.m. and we still didn't have case. But, hey! It can change soon knowing our lucky star and our boss, Leroy Jethro Gib(bastard)s. I didn't remember when was the last time when we didn't have case in Christmas time. _  
_"Morning," I told to my partners, probationary agents Ziva David and Timothy McGee that showed in our squadroom._  
_"Morning Tony, nice day" said Ziva, sitting behind her desk. _  
_"Well, yes, indeed..."_  
_"And you're early," McGee noted looking suspiciously at me._  
_Gee... Men can't come early to work and not become a suspect that something is wrong. You need to know that when I began to work here I came very early to work cause I wanted to please and to impress my boss and sometimes I went back to work at night. But since I'm senior field agent and when boss isn't there that I'm the boss in this time I stopped coming early. I like to sleep long and I hate getting up at 5 or 6 a.m. For me those hours are inhuman! _  
_"Yep... I just wish that we don't have any case so we can end our work like normal people and go home like normal people' I answered them._  
_"Yes, Tony, but for your reminder WE AREN'T NORMAL PEOPLE, TONY" Ziva accented last words smiling sarcastically at me. Well, truth was told - we're federal agents, we don't have our personals lives, we're always on call (well... not always but more than 300 days a year, for my sanity I not convert this on minutes and seconds - just in case)._

_"You have plans" she added looking at me curiously._  
_"Gee... Ziva... well... it's Christmas and of course I have big, big plans" I answered truthfully. For the first time since my mother died (and I was eight then and now I'm forty two) I will spending Christmas in my hometown New York with my father and rest my family. I bought nice presents for everyone and well... I need to tell you that I started to be excited and I become lil nervous. _

_I know that all our team had plans. Ziva with her friends wanted to go skiing in Alps. McGee went to his parents, our forensic Abby went to nuns, autopsy gremlin Jimmy went to his parents like McGee. I know that Gibbs took with himself our pathologist Ducky and went to his father in Stillwater. By the way - You know... Smallville had Clark Cent and Stillwater had Jethro Gibbs._  
_So, this holidays would be pretty nice for everyone. _

_But of course our luck didn't last forever and half hour later we got case._  
_Dead bosman Darren Hobb was found near pub. Thanks to haven it wasn't cold and snow stopped falling. _

_I hate winters. It's always cold, snow is falling and you have problems with firing up cars. Well... of course it's not too bad as in Alaska or Canada or in some parts of Europe - there they have really cold winters. But you need to know that I had this damn pneumonic plague several years ago so I need to be more careful with getting cold. _  
_Anyway._

_We went and did what we always do - bag and tag, talk with witness and after an hour we were back in our squadroom and just then my gut began throbbing. Well, sometimes my gut just sucks but I know that this time something bad will happened. But for now I had job to do. _

_So I went with evidence to Abby to her lab. You need to know that on holidays time this place is kingdom of Christmas ornaments. She was in good mood till she saw me. She ran to me and hugged me... Then she grabbed my small finger._  
_"Pinky promise that you will be extra carefully this time" she forced me to swear to her that I will be okay. After that I had to change our subject - WORK!_  
_"When you got something..." I began but you need to remember with whom you're talking and now I was talking with crazy goth. She just looked at me, with her green eyes with black make up, like cat that want to hypnotize mouse. I just kissed her on cheek and went to see if Ducky had something in Autopsy. _

**end of flashback**

"The Plague? Like, like..." I can sense that he's a little panicked.  
"Yeah, kid. I know but I'm still here, right?"  
"You have a nice team," I read on my screen.  
"Yep, the best. I know that they would do anything for me," I answered.  
"You're a lucky guy. You have a nice family and friends..."

"Now, yes... but you need to know that I wasn't always that lucky. I began talking with my father, really talking, after we stopped when my mom died. I never ever heard from him that he's proud of the person that I've became or because I went to law enforcement. He had never supported me, he wasn't there when I needed him the most. And my friends... I was waiting to meet them on my life road for a very long time." I answered smiling at my memories of these times, when I met Gibbs, Abby and Ducky for the first time. "But it took me a while to completely trust them and let them in. Sometimes they don't know what's really is going on with me but they want to help me in their way."

"So you understand what it is to had this kind of father," he wrote.  
"Yep, but you need to give your dad his chance. My boss is marine and I know how hard it's life with him but you just need let him in" I tried to advise.  
"So... what happened?" he asked and I knew that I needed to tell him painful truth.

**flashback**

_"DiNozzo, go and check Hobb's house and see if there is anything that can help us. Ziva, go talk with Captain Roberts and you, McGee, find this mysterious girlfriend. I need to go to Director," Gibbs ordered so I grabbed my gear and was heading to elevator when Gibbs yelled at me:_  
_"Be careful, Tony!" Yes, it's my boss. He can yell at you, mix you with mud, head slap you but he will always take care of you._

_I took our Charger and drove to Hobb's house. It was an old house and standing in front of it you could tell that Hobb didn't spend much time here. For a while I thought that this house just broke down under snow that lied on top of roof. And my gut was acting crazy. I could sense that something bad will happen so I took my gun and very carefully entered front door. _

_Silence and... dust - nothing else. Well, except everything was covered with white sheets. _  
_I went upstairs to check the rest of this big house - nothing. Nothing that could help us with the case. I began going back when I heard something. I was standing in children's room. I looked at dusty carpet and the next thing I knew was that I was falling._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Welcome in 2011! Thank you so much for your support - it helps me to write this story faster than any other! Well... here I need to ask if there is anyone that want to help me to correct grammar in next chapter - interested may write to me.**  
**So, enjoy this chapter!**  
**love, Chandni**  
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**Charter 2**

_Next thing I knew was incredible, sharp pain in all my body. I knew too well how it feels when you broke a bone so now I knew that I hade some broken ribs, my left arm and . . .and. . ._  
_Shit!_  
_Something was wrong with my legs!_  
_I began coughing and then I lost consciousness._

_Next time when I back to awareness I knew that something, somewhere, was ringing. I knew this melody. My phone! Carefully I began feeling ground around me, searching for this damn cell. I knew that it was close. I just needed to make a bit of effort to grab it. Everything hurt like hell. Dust was biting my lungs. I could feel every muscle in my body screaming in pure agony. I looked up. _  
_Shit, I must fell about three floors down to the basement or something like that. _  
_Eventually, after several painfully, hard and unsuccessful attempts I grabbed my phone and answered it._

_"DiNozzo, where the hell are you? What happened? I'm coming with ambulance." It was Gibbs. I could sense that he's pissed, but not at me, but at himself for letting me go without any backup. Gee. . . Boss, I went alone so many times, so it wasn't his fault. But how on Earth he knew that I get hurt? Anthony DiNozzo! You're talking about your BOSS - GIBBS! He knows EVERYTHING! Well. . . almost everything, but he can always sense when something happens to you._  
_"Boss. . ." I gasped as sharp pain hit me violently._  
_"Talk to me, Tony! Stay with me, help is coming!" he said to me._  
_"I'm. . ." cough "in basement I think. . ." another cough, "I fell. . . I don't know. . . everything hurts, Boss. . ." Telling my boss that I'm in pain was very hard for me, but he needed to know that. After this many years I learned that it's better for me to not lie him about my health. And even if I didn't tell him he even then will know that I'm in pain because I moaned in pain, coughing and gasping for air. _

_"I know Tony, I know. Hold on," he said to me._  
_I wanted to cry. My body was broken and I knew that I was dying. My lungs weren't working good and I could feel blood in my mouth. I was scared. _  
_"DiNozzo!" I think I zoned out for a while. Now I was hearing my boss yelling and demanding my answer. I blinked several times. My vision become blurred and I had problems concentrating. _  
_"B-bo-ss" my voice was breaking and I started sobbing. Just then I could feel someone's hands on me._  
_"Shhhh. . . It's okay, I got you, Tony. Everything will be fine," he assured me and I trusted him like always. _  
_***  
The rest was really kind of blur for me. I remember riding to Bethesda. I remember Gibbs holding my good hand and whispering some words to keep me calm. I remember pain and Gibbs yelling at me, begging me to stay with him. _  
_***_  
_Then everything stopped. There was just dark and cold. And I was alone. And next was nothing. _  
_I stopped feeling, hearing, pain disappeared. And then I could feel sharp pain, and next I know I was standing in front of my dead body. I could see doctors working to bring me back. I think I was laying on ER. I looked at window and saw Gibbs. He was pale like sheet and I saw tears escaping from his icy blue eyes._  
_"Come on, son," I heard him whisper and then something hit me on chest. One time, then another and then everything began to hurt again. I was again in my body, alive. _

**_end of flashback_**

"Oh, shit," Jackob wrote. "Man, it's worse than my accident."  
"Well. . . but I'm alive just like you," I answered. Maybe it'll help both of us. Even if I'm okay now, sometimes I doubt in myself, in everything that I was doing. So maybe it'll be some kind of therapy for both of us, me and Jackob?  
"So what happened when you woke up? What about your family and friends? How did you react?" He wanted to know how I got through this and began to live again. I looked at door to my room and smiled when I saw sleepy eyes of my boss.

"You're not sleeping?" Ooops! He looked suspiciously at me. "It's 2.45 a.m, Tony."  
"I know, I know but I'm working, well. . . I promise that I'll tell you later." I did my innocent face. He rubbed his eyes and climbed into bed next to me.  
"Ye. . . You need to know everything and now." I rolled my eyes and told him about Jackob.  
"You want hot cup of tea or chocolate?" he smiled and stand up.  
"Chocolate. And if it's okay I want this delicious cookies that Jack does." He just waved his hand in doors and went downstairs to the kitchen.  
"My boss is up," I wrote to Jackob.

"Tell me that you're not going to sleep? Please! Not yet. . . I. . ." he begged me.  
"No, no, kid. He went to make some chocolate for us. He'll let us talk. But maybe it would be better if we both go sleep and we can talk in the morning?"  
"I. . . I can't sleep. . . I'm little scared that I'll not woke up or. . . ya know..."  
"It's okay, Jackob. Everything will get better."  
"I want to believe in that, but I don't think that I can do this. I'm too weak. . ."  
"No! You're NOT! You just need to believe that it'll be better and let your family in, even if you need to provoke them to yelling or crying or even hating you. You can make it through this. I know it's hard, I've been there so I know what I'm talking about." Just then Gibbs showed up with tray, two cups of hot chocolate and Jack's cookies.

"How's ya doing?" He sat at the bed. I grabbed one of cookies.  
"Ya know that it's a long road for him, just as it was for me," I answered, biting my cookie.  
"Mhm. . ." It was his answer as he drank his chocolate. "So where your story stopped?"  
"I'm still unconscious."  
"Hmm. . . You want to us to tell you what we said to you, when you were in coma?" Gibbs raised his eyebrow. I just did my stupid face of fish out of water.  
"How do you know that I know?" I started babbling.  
"Jackob is waiting, DiNozzo," it was his short answer, like always.  
"Where are we? Ah. . . I'm still unconscious!"

**flashback**

_Beep, beep, beep..._  
_It was first thing I heard for long time. I didn't know where I was. I think maybe it was something between dream and awareness. It was dark and I was alone. But then I heard someone calling my name, over and over and over again. _  
_"Junior, it's Dad." There, I could hear him but I couldn't see him. Everything was dark._  
_Where are you, Dad? _  
_Dad?_  
_"It's okay now, son. We take care of you."_  
_I know that, Dad, but I can't find a way out!_  
_"You know... after your mom died... I don't know... I lost everything. I always dreamed about perfect life with wife, son, in health and abundance. I was... You were just like her and that hurt most. We, DiNozzos... you know that we didn't have good relationship between us. As me and your grandpa. It was my mistake that I didn't let ya know how important you are for me, that I love you, son."_  
_I wanted to woke up and tel him that I'm sorry to, that I didn't help him and that I love him too. But it was hard. I was feeling like something was holding me in this stupid abyss. _  
_*** _  
_"Hey, Tony...um... it's me...Tim...your Probie..." Gee... I know that McScary! You need to know that he's no longer probationary agent. He's working as agent for about eight years now, but for me he always will be my little Probie. _

_"You need to woke up, Tony. It's sad at work and I... you know... I miss my older bro... there you go... Ye... I think about you like as the older brother that I never had. We... you know... we tease each other and fight but I'm glad that you always have my six. You're great agent and I learn so much from you. I became stronger thanks to you; and when I needed you always protected me from Gibbs anger. Please... come back, Tony. Abby is still crying, Ziva is sad, as is Ducky. Palmer... I think he's sad and a little lost. Your Dad is here and he's only left your side when one of us is sitting with you. Gibbs... gee... Tony, he's worse than with Ari's case or after Kate died. We're working only cold cases and I get bored... you know me... Even Jack came to DC when Gibbs told him."_  
_***_  
_I don't know how long it was silent and I was wandering in darkness, but then when I wanted just to give up I heard Abby. Yes, she was crying and yelling at me, cause I broke her Pinky Promise. _  
_"Hey, Tonyboy. My poor baby. You need to wake up, sweetie. We miss you so much. I need my brother, my best friend. Everything will be okay, you will see. I..." Sob. Is it really Abby? Or someone switched her because she couldn't say a word after that. _  
_I was so damn desperate to find the way out but still I wasn't successful. _  
_***_  
_"Anthony, my dear boy." Well... time for Ducky. Yes, his name is great. Well, his real name is Donald, but everyone calls him Ducky - well... his friends call him that. And for him I always will be Anthony. _  
_"You need to be patient, my dear boy. Everything will be better with time. You need to know that we all miss you and we're here to support you, no matter what. Step by step, we will be with you, my lad, so don't worry about anything. You just concentrate on getting better. Well... I talked with your doctor and I know that you're doing pretty good and it's a matter of days when you'll wake up. You need to know that you like a grandson for me, Anthony."_

**_end of flashback_**

"Gee... I felt odd, hearing them talking to me like this. I know that normally they would never, ever told me those things. I was really in very bad shape and that caused their honesty." I wrote to Jackob.  
"I'm not surprised. I think that I would feel the same as you. But... yes... what Ziva and your Boss told you?"  
I looked at Gibbs and smiled when I saw his curious facial expression.  
"So... what I and Ziva told you then?" he asked. I took the last of the cookies.  
"Maybe you tell him?" I spoke with full mouth.  
"It's your story, Tony, not mine." Yes, it's my boss. You either love him or you hate him.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you all who support me! But I don't know when or IF I'll post next chapter here or in any other of my stories. I think I may have small crisis with my writing. This chapter is short and it's not what I want but it won't be better.**  
**So... Please, enjoy this chapter!**  
**love, Chandni**  
**ps. Inez thank you for your work :***  
**

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**Chapter 3**

_"Tony..." gee... we back at this! Show time with Ziv-ah! But for real I'm little curious what she will tell me. "My little hair butt... come on, Tony! You just slept your life! We miss you, you know that, right? Right. I'll kick your ass! What are you thinking? I... It's not your fault... but you need to wake up. Please, Tony, just please, come back to us. It's not the same without you. McGee is quiet and I saw him looking at your desk with that puppy dog face. We're sitting with cold cases. _

_I see Ducky and Palmer only here when we change our shifts. Abby is sad and very quiet and you know that she's always__so chatty. And Gibbs... Tony I've never seen him like this. First he's mad and furious and then he's sad and absent-minded. And... and I miss my best friend. You know that you're very close to me, right? And I promise to you, if you won't wake up I'll come and kick your sorry ass!" _  
_***  
I'm trying, really, I'm trying very hard to find a way out of this abyss. I want to wake up but I can't. I know that I'm very close._  
_"Tony", my name echoed again. _  
_Boss?_  
_I began running in the darkness. _  
_Boss, help me, talk to me!_  
_"You sleepy head, what the hell were you thinking? Uh?...Tony... Gosh... It's my fault and I'm sorry for that, Anthony."_  
_No, no, no! Boss, it wasn't your fault!_

_"You need to come back to us, son. I... I..." I can sense how hard it is for him. His voice is shaking with emotions. "I lost my girls and I can't lost my... son... um... You always will be my kid. You don't know how often I was so close to just spank your ass when you did something dangerous or stupid. And you need to know that you're easy to love but it's so hard to take care of you. I'm proud of you, of the person you are. You make me happy and not just me, but everyone, even when you do one of yours stupid pranks..."_

**_end of flashback_**

I looked at Gibbs and then I took deep breath. I had to tell him something very important, but I didn't know how he will react.  
"Boss..." I began tentatively. I looked at my legs and I could feel his eyes on me. He was waiting at me. "Boss, when I was in coma... when you talked to me... Something happened... I... I met someone..." I looked at him and saw as he closed his eyes.  
"So... tell us about that," he whispered.  
I nodded and started writing.

_**Flashback**_

_Something happened. I saw white light and, knowing me, in my mind just ringed that words from 'Shrek' movie - "Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!"_  
_But something in that light attracted me. And then..._  
_"You need to come back, Tony" I heard voice and then I saw small, sweet girl. I know that I saw her somewhere and then it hit me - it was Kelly! Kelly Gibbs - Boss's daughter! _

_"Kelly"_  
_"Yes, Tony. Daddy loves you and you need to go back," she told me._  
_"Kelly I... I don't know if I'm strong enough." There. I said that. I knew that something was wrong with my body and I was afraid that I can't take it. _  
_"Daddy will help you, but you need to let him," she assured me. "Everything will be okay, Tony."_  
_"Why you?" I asked. Why not my mom, Kate, Paula, my best friend Jerry or someone else?"_  
_"Don't ask me", she gave me her sweet, innocent smile._  
_"But I don't know how to go back?" I told her. She just smiled._

_"Take care of our Daddy for me" she said and next thing I knew was that I opened my eyes and looked at this sad, blue ones._  
_"Boss..." I whispered. Gee... that's my voice? Nah... it's someone who's been smoking countless cigarettes._  
_"T-tony?" Well, seeing shock, happines and love at Gibbs face was really amazing thing. _

**_end of flashback_**

I stopped writing and I looked uncertainly at Gibbs. And woah...! He was smiling and one tear escaped his eye. He embraced me with his arm.  
"Thank you." We don't need more words in our relationship. I nodded and gave him small smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Big THANKS to everyone who support me. Well... I wrote this chapter but I can't promise that I'll post next soon or if it ever happen. I don't know why but I feel that I need to finish this story but I can't do it without YOU! So, if you like it just give me the sign.**  
**Big thx to ****Lightningtrance256 for support! And ****Inez - for your work :***  
**love, Chandni**

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"When they told me that I won't be able to walk I thought that they're just joking, that soon they'll start to laugh and say, 'We got you'. But that didn't happen. And the doctor saw fit to inform me about every, even the smallest, injuries I had. So, on my charming long list were: fracture of the right shoulder joint, that suited only on the operating table; broken bone in right hand; twisted ankle in my left leg; concussion, plus pretty bad burst forehead; three ribs broken and two cracked; swelling of the right lung; ruptured spleen; two damaged cervical vertebrae and broken spine with damaged spinal cord - which equals paralysis from the waist down. Not including numerous scratches, bruises and hematomas, and large loss of blood. All that injuries led to me being in a coma for whole six days - I probably never in my life had so much damage in one fell swoop.

Then I didn't really know what I feel, or IF I actually felt something. I guess I felt empty and really broken..." I wrote after long silence. I knew that Jackob is waiting to know.

**flashback**

_I sat motionless, staring at the rain drops running down the gray window, feeling like deep down I was choking. My world fall apart.__Along with walking I lost my job and, above all, I lost the ability to carry on myself - and after my Mom died I was left by myself. I couldn't ask for help and I don't know if I ever will be able to do that._

_Gibbs just went for his coffee - well... frankly speaking, I kicked him out of the room. I just wanted to be alone. Alone with my pain, suffering and misery._  
_Couldn't I just die? Why do I have to live and suffer as an invalid? I loved my job and now... Now... I can't even think about this whole situation. _

_"I brought coffee," Gibbs appeared in the room as if nothing had happened and put a cup on the cabinet within reach of my hand."Actually, I brought you jelly," he added lightly and took a sip of his coffee. "Do you want more round of our lil _conversation_?" he asked provocatively._  
_Gibbs..._  
_I looked at him, feeling that at any moment all the walls and locks will burst. I will fall apart and..._  
_"I'll catch you," Gibbs assured, sitting up on bed and, delicately as only Gibbs can, hugged me, careful to not breach any of my stitches. I don't even know when I started crying in pain and helplessness._

**end of flashback**

'Holy crap' I read on my monitor and smiled. Oh, boy... ye, Holy crap!  
'But it wasn't the last day of my breakdown but rather one of many days. When the doctors took off all the seams and brace of my body then began painful period of rehabilitation... This was a beginning of torture and depression. I just wanted to get away ... sink into the ground, sink into a deep sleep and never wake up. I just wanted everyone to gave me some peace and leave me alone (very gently speaking). But having such a crazy family I had no chance.

My father probably has a strange pact, a common understanding with Gibbs. Believe me... having these two as a fathers as they are it's not funny. Yes, they are wonderful in their own way but then I hated them with all my heart. Oh... and Abby, Ziva, Ducky, Palmer and Tim also were no better. It's wonderful to have such friends as them, so caring, and sometimes direct but ... somehow I couldn't open before them. I was no longer this strong, funny, goofy, flirting at every step and making silly jokes Tony. Then I stopped knowing myself... I didn't know anymore who I were... probably a wreck of a man who couldn't do the simplest things on his own.'

**flashback**

_When Ell, my nurse drove me from rehabilitation to my room and helped me lay down on the bed I just broke up._  
_"Tony?" Of course Gibbs had come as if he just couldn't leave me alone._  
_"Go to hell, Gibbs," I uttered nervously. I had no energy to argue with him. "Leave me in peace" my voice was trembling with emotion._  
_"So you just want to give up, DiNozzo?" he asked and I knew it would be one of the heavier of our arguments, and that Gibbs doesn't forgive until I will take myself together._  
_"I... really I can't... I just can't anymore," I said hiding face in a pillow. Everything, my whole body (excluding legs) hurt like hell. I just wanted to feel nothing._

_"Sure you can" he replied approaching, so I could see him even with hidden face. "Stop this self-pity, DiNozzo, because it's not like you."_  
_"Maybe then you don't know me?" I raised my head and I felt tears of fury and helplessness flowing down my cheeks._  
_Gibbs made __his Mona Lisa half-smile, which I wanted to just rip from his face._  
_"Oh, but I know you, and it's YOU that probably don't know yourself," Gibbs said sitting on a chair, still with that gentle smile. Gibbs and gentle smile… I'm not used to Gibbs such like this. Screaming Gibbs, Gibbs broiling, yes, but nice Gibbs when I yell at him? - Well... it's something new!_

_"Gibbs ... I can't be a damn field agent and you know that I and the paperwork didn't go well. I... I just... I don't ... damn, I can't ask for help" I threw from myself._  
_"Director wants to talk with you personally but it'll be when you be in a better mood," and that's the whole Gibbs. "I don't care if you like or not, DiNozzo, but we will help you, even if you don't ask for this and you just get help and headslapp from me!"_

_"Gibbs ... you're not beating disabled people," I threw feeling kind of relief and spiritual support._  
_"You see here any invalid, because I only see the federal agent who lies and self-pity," he dropped sharply bending down closer. "You make thought this Anthony." _  
_Anthony! When Gibbs says my whole name is like we went in at the more intimate sphere, the sphere of the father and son, the sphere of trust and friendship._

_"I want to believe in it," I said, and suddenly I felt a light smack on the back of the head._  
_"So believe." I sensed an order in Gibbs voice. _

**end of flashback**

It had begun to gray outside. Gibbs was asleep next to me on bed. I'm not angry at him because he hasn't slept a lot of nights because of me. I'm glad that he's near and that my father and Jack are sleeping soundly in adjacent rooms.  
Beside, a view of napping and snoring Gibbs - invaluable!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you all for support! Well... I still had my crisis with writing and crisis in my life but I wanna give you this chapter. Tell me what you think and how I should end this story? And if there are someone who would want to help me with grammar it'll be very nice of you!**  
**littleellie30-thank you for your support!**  
**Love, Chandni**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"What happened next? How did you manage to think about this?" Jacob inquired  
me. It was early in the Christmas morning. Gibbs went to make breakfast and  
for a moment I thought I should begin my morning exercises - but today I think  
that I can forget about them.  
"No way, DiNozzo", Gibbs rushed into my room and handed me the weights to help  
exercise the muscles of my hands.  
"B-but..." I began, but Gibbs silence me with his famous glare.  
"Jacob should go eat his breakfast, and you also should do your standard  
morning round" he said pushing my wheelchair closer to my bed, "Shower, now!  
You're stinkin' up the place!"  
"Jacob ... I know that you need to talk but I think we should take a  
temporary break, "I began hesitantly. I wrote it very quickly. This kid needed  
me now and I felt wrong to leave him.

"I know, parents are already calling me for breakfast, but you'll be back...  
right? You'll finish?" Jacob wrote and I knew that I must keep the promise and  
help him - after all it's what I done my entire life as a police officer and  
federal agent, I helped others.

Through the introduced facilitation that was made at the bathroom I could go  
to the shower by myself. Gibbs and my father made sure I had the freedom and  
independence for which I was eternally grateful to them.

At breakfast I sat barely conscious because of the lack of sleep but I knew  
that I must return to conversation with Jacob - he needs me more.  
Gibbs brought my laptop so that I could sit on the couch in the living room  
with fireplace and Christmas tree.

Yes!

A REAL Christmas tree!

Not any old jagged imitation of Christmas tree but a real Christmas tree, live  
- as LIVING - Christmas tree, decorated with hand-made by me and Gibbs,  
decorations. Oh yeah - I made ornaments with Gibbs! It was our joint project  
while Jack was preparing Christmas meals with Abby and my father took up  
shopping. Everyone had a job. Even before the house were put decorations,  
lights and on the door was hung on a beautiful wreath.

On the bench lay the delicious Jack's cookies. Gibbs went to town and my  
father was sitting in an armchair and reading a newspaper. Gibbs and Jack told  
him about what I do and I saw the joy in their eyes. I knew that my dad was  
proud of me.

"How are the parents?" I asked, seeing that Jacob is again available at the  
chat.  
"They're parents... " he began, "but they no longer upset me" he said and sent  
me a wink.  
"It'll start getting better you'll see" I assured him and at that moment Jack  
set before me a hot cup of apple-cinnamon tea. (yep, I'm a firm coffee  
drinker. If I've got caught by Gibbs drinking that kind of tea he'd teased me normally! But not in this kind of situation.)

"They knew that I didn't sleep all night and were angry that I was sitting on  
the computer. You know... departing from them and run away in the virtual  
world." he said after a moment.  
"You've said to them that you talk with me?"  
" I don't ... They don't need to know... for now..." I still felt indecision  
from his side.

On the one hand he wants to fight and on the other hand he's afraid and runs  
away. I know that he doesn't feel strong enough to face the world but  
unfortunately, from this there is no escape.  
"It will take a lot of time and pour gallons of tears, but it will be better"  
I assured "Superheroes often were crippled e.g. Daredevil. And what about  
Christopher Reeve? He was originally Superman but after an accident he was  
chained to the wheelchair but he continued to act in films and continued  
helping others!

"Maybe..."

"Certainly" I wrote quickly.  
"What about your job?" Jacob asked suddenly. The fact is that I not written  
anything about the conversation with the Director yet.

*****Flashback*****

_Director visited me in hospital, in the so-called 'my better days'.__  
__"I turn straight to the point," Vance began immediately after he sat down on a__  
__chair next to my bed, "I never said it, and probably shouldn't say this now in__  
__these circumstances, but I want you to know that you are one of the best__  
__agents which agency had and certainly you are the best young agent. You can__  
__count on our help and if the doctors agreed, and of course if you will want to__  
__we find a suitable job for you. Believe me, there's a lot of opportunities for__  
__you"._

_"T-thank you, sir," I blurted out, feeling that with a moment I fall apart.__  
__Praise from the Director and paragraphs that calling me the best junior agent__  
__meant at this moment a lot for me and even more meant ensure that they will__  
__find work for me ... although at the moment I could not imagine returning to__  
__life, the community and especially I don't wanted to think about work. I was a__  
__detective, then a FIELD federal agent! I could not imagine myself with__  
__paperwork at the desk because I hated it with all of my heart, but always as I__  
__sat with the 'cold' cases I managed to solve them or at least find new__  
__evidence or other errors._

_"Rest, Tony" from my thoughts pull me off a deep voice, and only then I__  
__realized that in the room Gibbs was now too. Director stood up and patted me__  
__on the cheek, nodded at Gibbs and then left.__  
_  
*****End of flashback*****

"That's nice of him" Jacob written to me. I sit my tee and looked at my dad.  
"You need anything, Junior?" he asked me from his newspaper.  
"No, thanks dad" I answered and gave him one of my best smiles.


End file.
